May 12 Will Come and Go

It seems that it has been 8 days since I posted last. That’s not too bad but I want to post on a regular basis even if it is shorter or less interesting. At this point I don’t think anyone reads these, and I’d like to be clear that this is an experiemnt. At the very least I am trying to do a little garden docmenting, venting, and teach myself a modicum of consistncy. I know it’s helping me anyways.

I have a lot of different things to post on but I just remembered this story and told it to my friend today. I felt like just posting that because I think it is a decent story that tells a little about me and a little about how things have changed.

So honesty time… a bit about me. If you ask a psychiatrist, they will say I am some specific type of bi-polar, ADHD, with an extreme anxiety disorder. What I can tell you is that when I was a youngster, I was extremely high-energy, so much so that my best friends mom would not take me with her to public. I would make commitments, like I would say something like “oh yeah I will do this or build this thing for us all!” or whatever, and then never follow through. I was very angry and depressed for years as a teenager. I would stay in my room and only come out when I could hear that no one else was out of their rooms and I would go weeks without seeing my mother or sister. I had no friends… or my only friends were on AOL at the time. I never did my homework. Like pretty close to literally never. I never could explain why, but looking back I would say that after being kept in school for 8 or however many hours, I would get home and there was not one cell in my body, certainly not a neuron in my brain that would even consider voluntarily continuing this pointless exercise in memorization. I would just go play with ants or whatever we did back then. I still did good on tests somehow though, so they always told me how much “potential” I have, as if being a kid when you ARE a kid is bad.

Anyways, my childhood was far from the worst. In fact, it was wonderful in so many ways. We all have stories, good and bad, but I am just trying to show a few of the things I struggle with. Case in point, this blog post. I started it on May 12 and it is now May 18 and I started today after the dividing line. The fact is, this whole blog is mainly an exercise in consistency, and secondary is that I am just trying to establish an identity on the internet for myself. I do not have a facebook, nor could I have one even if I wanted one. But this is me trying to impove myself and build an online presence, which is much more challenging without using the standard social media platforms. The idea I guess would be to document my progress or lack there of , and show what kinds of things I do.

THIS POST NEEDS A LOT OF REWORDING